“Tylenol is best for a headache.”
“Running is the best way to lose weight.”
“You should never eat oysters after April.”
“That is the prettiest dress I have ever seen.”
“That is the ugliest dress I have ever seen”
What are words? How do we use them? Is what we speak the same as what is received? It’s all about perspective.
In the age of prevalent electronic communication, must is lost. How do you infer tone from an email? (Have you ever gotten an email in all CAPS and assumed the sender was yelling at you?)
What is the other person’s frame of reference? What is their background conversation? Those voices in people’s heads telling them how to interpret the stimulus around them.
I come from a long line of over-thinkers. It is so easy to assume malice or ill-will in the absence of body language. This is especially true if your internal dialogue veers towards negativity.
How many people are even aware of this background conversation? This lens through which we process information.
The Bible says, “So let’s stop condemning each other. Decide instead to live in such a way that you will not cause another to stumble and fall. (Romans 14:13) If we do this, should we consider that our causal criticisms, sarcasm or coarse jokes might offend our neighbors or do we chalk it up to ‘this is just how I am” or “they are just sensitive”.
Guys, I am not preaching here; I honestly don’t know the answers. My favorite expletive begins with the letter “F..” My beverage of choice with dinner is fermented. And I have 7 pieces of art on my body. I am sure these facts would not sit well with some and would be overtly offensive to others.
But do my words and actions cause others to stumble and fall? I hope not. I try to approach all communications and situations with trust, gratitude and compassion, both for myself and those around me.
This ain’t easy, folks. We are constantly bombarded with stimuli. In the age of easy access to information, we are forced to make split-second decisions, to evaluate and move on!
But if life is moving that fast, are we enjoying it? Mindfulness is the idea of enjoying the present moment. It’s not always easy but more and more research is pointing to the detriment of trying to multi-task. What does this have to do with communication and a language barrier? I can tell you that I’ve been sitting at my desk when someone walks in. I’m annoyed at the interruption so I try to type and talk at the same time. Am I being considerate? Am I really listening to my visitor? Am I being mindful? NO. I can tell you that PEOPLE are always more important. So I’m trying. I’m trying to be present and I’m trying not to read emotions or assumptions into written communication that are not there.
All of this seems like a garbled stream-of-consciousness commentary on a variety of subjects….and it is.
But effective communication is the foundation of successful interpersonal relationships. So I think the importance of clarity of voice and purpose, the importance of listening and the importance of being present cannot be overstated.
Here’s another thing I believe to be true: No matter what your love language is, no matter how large or small your vocabulary and no matter how difficult the message you have to deliver, if you give and receive with gratitude, love and compassion, everything will be all right.