Have you ever awakened on the morning of a new adventure? A new job, a new project, a new house, a vacation, your wedding day?
It’s usually exciting, right? Don’t most people look forward to these things?
But there are other changes that are not so exciting….or welcome. The first morning after a loss. There are big losses and lesser losses but they all bring about change. And sometimes the “loss” is moving on after achieving a goal and you have to start over.
One of the weirdest periods of mourning I’ve experienced was upon the completion of Ironman. Once the euphoria of the accomplishment faded, which happens amazingly quickly, I felt lost. I had spent hours training for months. Suddenly, I had all this extra time on my hands and didn’t know what to do with it. I had NO plan for AFTER Ironman. I’ve experienced similar feelings of loss at the completion of major project, graduate school for example.
When you are focused on a goal and spend a crazy amount of time and energy to accomplish it, there is a serious sense of emptiness when it’s over. Maybe that’s why I do so much ‘stuff’.
I’ve always considered myself more process-oriented than goal-oriented, so maybe that’s what I crave, process. (Note: I do not consider myself competitive either, but that’s the subject for another post.)
So here’s the other fact about the morning (mourning) of change: Everybody loves a winner.
Do you believe that? Did some ‘authority’ ever tell you, ‘Second place is the 1st loser!’
Well, I cry bull$h!t on that!
Our culture is so driven to be the best. We push our kids to get the best grades so they can get into the best colleges so they can get degrees so they can get the best jobs. If everyone is trying for ‘the Best’, what does it mean for those who aren’t valedictorian or who don’t get into medical school or who don’t land the job with the 6-figure salary or who don’t win the race?
I fear that we are turning into a culture of competitive A-holes. Pardon my French but this is destructive behavior and I feel very passionately about this subject.
I just watched a documentary on the rising rate of teen depression and suicide. Bullying is one reason for this, but I think this obsession with “the best” is another. PS. Competition - the separation of ‘us’ versus ‘them’ is prime fodder for bullying.
So what do we do? It’s not healthy to stand still or to be a doormat either. Where is the balance?
For me, this balance is 2 things:
Recognizing MY contribution
Focusing on helping others
Let me tell y’all something. That Ironman that I referenced earlier? I did not come in first, or one hundred and first. You are allowed 17 hours to finish an Ironman. The last one I did, I finished in just over 16 hours. Yep. There were probably 30-40 people still out there when I crossed the finish line. The balance of the approximately 1800 that started were long finished. They were probably showered and long past enjoying their recovery meal.
But….I DID IT! And finishing was the goal. When people asked how I did, I said, ‘Great.’ Some asked (even my mom), ‘Did you win'?’ Well, strictly speaking, no, I did not win. but it was a win for me.
So this post is really about 2 things: navigating change and finding your best, irrespective of societal opinions and norms.
I hope y’all strive. I hope you try new things. I hope everyone experiences the euphoria of accomplishment and navigates the uncertainty of newness with grace. But I also hope that you do YOUR BEST every day and disregard what others think or say. Because they don’t get to judge your best; only you get to decide that. And being the best YOU is all that is important.